Saoirse Wadding-Hayes | Actor, Poet, Theatre Maker

So, being an actor basically guarantees you’ll face constant rejection. You audition for something, you don’t get it. You audition for something else, you don’t get that either. So it goes.

At a certain point it stops being something you take personally. Indeed, if you want to have any longevity in the industry, you have to stop taking it personally. You gain enough experience to know that more often than not, not getting a part is no reflection on your ability. It simply means you didn’t fit with whatever vision the creative team had for the project. It’s all subjective.

I can happily do six self-tapes a week, not get a single one, then go and do six more the next week. It doesn’t hurt my ego, it doesn’t make me cry. It’s just part of the job.

But then there’s some rejections that just…hit different.

I auditioned for something recently that I desperately wanted. It was a theatre project, Shakespeare, lots of clowning and physical theatre and other nonsense.

I found out yesterday I didn’t get it.

Which is fine. It’s normal. But it’s also crushingly disappointing.

I was embarrassed by just how upset I was honestly. Why was I reacting so unprofessionally? Why was I being so immature? So oversensitive?

It wasn’t until this morning I was able to step back and ask myself: “Why am I so embarrassed to care?”

As actors we’re fed a mass of contradictions in the guise of advice.

“Be emotionally present.”

“Grow a thicker skin.”

“Always be hustling.”

“Don’t look desperate.”

“Don’t feel.”

“Feel everything.”

No matter what you do, you’re somehow failing.

Well I refuse to feel bad for feeling bad. I was passionate about a potential projected. I was disappointed not to get it. I won’t be disappointed for the rest of my life. I won’t give up on my whole career and spiral into a pit of self-hatred. But in the moment I felt rejected, I felt insecure.

Denying those feelings only makes them fester and eat away at you.

You have to feel your feelings when you’re feeling them. It’s the only way to stay sane.

The silliest thing is, in that moment I was feeling like a failure, I was actually in the midst of having the most successful month of my career since the pandemic. I was getting tonnes of backstage work, I was making industry connections.

And I got an arts council bursary!

I’ll go into this in more detail in a separate post, but I mention it now just to illustrate the point.

It doesn’t matter how well things are going, sometimes a rejection will still knock the wind out of you.

That’s not a failure. That’s just life.